The Mountain Expedition
20 minutes had passed and the red team had started to catch up. Racing to reach the top of the mountain, my team swung our pick axes hard against the collapsing, crumbling rock. Rain drenched our clothes making me, once again, regret not bringing an umbrella. Not that I’d be able to hold it anyways. In these harsh, howling winds it probably would’ve floated away the moment I had taken it out. Frigid rain continued to shower down on us, as we climbed towards the finish line with every bit of willpower that we had.
20 minutes had passed and the red team had started to catch up. Racing to reach the top of the mountain, my team swung our pick axes hard against the collapsing, crumbling rock. Rain drenched our clothes making me, once again, regret not bringing an umbrella. Not that I’d be able to hold it anyways. In these harsh, howling winds it probably would’ve floated away the moment I had taken it out. Frigid rain continued to shower down on us, as we climbed towards the finish line with every bit of willpower that we had.
I really like all of the different descriptive language you have used in your story. For your last sentence I think you could start it off with the word "showering" because it puts an image in your mind instead of the word "with", just a recommendation.
ReplyDeleteI liked the descriptive words you used to make it more powerful
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